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1. |
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Your daddy loved your mama
More than man has ever loved
Taught your siblings how to wayfare
Taught his youngest to be tough
Lined up by Lake Michigan
In matching sweaters, wearing thin
Everything was perfect
And you always had enough
Oh, oh!
And when enough no longer was
You struck out on your own
You found fire in the wilderness
Water from a stone
But your mind was always vigilant
Your heart was always dissonant
And everything was perfect
(Or so you always told)
Oh, oh!
Now you can't back down
From this life you've built
All the reckoning
Between gut and guilt
All the scaffolding
Nothing more than quilts
Under Great Lake ice
Where your earth still tilts
Whoa, oh!
Your daddy was Odysseus
Your mama, fair Penelope
But the heart remembers Helen
In the lonely nights out on the sea
So now you know the secret
That to love is stages of regret
And everything is perfect
And you? You are enough.
Oh, oh!
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2. |
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It is autumn where you're lying
Spring is knocking at my door
Maybe I'll come out of hiding
Maybe I will love once more
Don't be sad and don't you miss me
I am never gone from you
Though the months have started fitfully
Light of day will see us through
And I know we've already won
'Cause time was just invented by
The ones who made the rules about our love
And what it should be
There are times that last forever
In the memory of my days
Still I hold we're only human
That is all I meant to say
They can judge and call it easy
This strange parting, letting go
But it is spring and it is autumn
Both are true, not one more so
And I know we've already won
'Cause life was just invented by
The one who made the plans about our love
And what it could be
So hold the door
You don't know who's coming through
And less is more
if it comes to you
I know we've already won
'Cause this was just invented by
The us who made the rules about our love
And what it would be
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3. |
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You've been asking me to be different
I've been meaning to wrestle that shame
Through all the songs that I drum up from my history
Each one pointing to a day that I changed
You've been wondering how to be happier
And I've been worrying about all that fear
But in the quietest moments of tenderness
It's that questioning that brought us here
So come on home
I left a light on in these bones
Come on home
There's a sickness sold as a fairy tale
And it's sold to all of us before we can speak
That love is good so long as it's never difficult
What a shame to make such holiness weak
So come on home
I left a light on in these bones
Come on home
Come on home
I made a space for us to roam
Come on home
Come on home
You won't believe how much I've grown
Come on home
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4. |
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This time I'm too tired to argue
And I'm too blind to see past my nose
If it ain't right, the things they are saying
Then why is nobody else standing to show
A little support line
A net to hold onto
When the waves strike
Much too close to our homes
Our homes
Inside the pressure is rising
There's a low tide that's defeatist at best
If you don't mind, I'd like to speak clearly
But I've been tongue-tied and forgotten the rest
Under hard times
That bear no more meaning
To a main line wanderer
Seeking some rest
Some rest
And I can't believe I
Ever thought us free to lie
In a state of dream mind
Awaiting our next breath
Slow down
The concrete is cooling
And the days seem shorter this year
This time I'm too tired to argue
And I'm too deaf
To listen to fear
To fear
To fear
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5. |
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When the thunder rolled in, low
You were dreaming, soft and slow
This old ache is one I know
One more mile to Jericho
See I love with all I am
Never learned to hide my hand
So I stumble more than stand
One more mile to Jericho
Just one mile to Jericho
And when I get there
They will know my name
For the road is long
But my steps are plain
This old way is weary
So I'll close my eyes
And my heart will heal
Much to your surprise
These two feet have walked before
Two lives past, or maybe more
Home again from foreign shores
One more mile to Jericho
Maybe movement holds the key
If I never stop I'll never see
One more face to love, then leave
One more mile to Jericho
Just one mile to Jericho
And when I get there
They will know my name
For the road is long
But my steps are plain
This old way is weary
So I'll close my eyes
And my heart will heal
Much to your surprise
And when I get back
I will tell to you
How the walls came down
When the trumpet blew
This old way is weary
So just close your eyes
And your heart will heal
Much to your surprise
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6. |
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Still is the night once more
That I can't stop moving must be metaphor
Far to my right, such noise
The Seven Sisters lament with one voice
So I have come to know me
And shed foolish notions that nothing is free
Olivia cries when her father leaves
I map out the heavens and try not to breathe
Each night I slumber with hard work behind
This sweat and this toil I hoped I would find
The Seven Sisters come willing and true
Finding Orion proves harder to do
Once I was young and strong
Once I was quicker to love and to long
Was I so rash, was I so wrong?
When did my laugh turn to hesitant song?
Each night I slumber with hard work behind
This sweat and this toil I hoped I would find
The Seven Sisters come willing and true
Finding Orion proves harder to do
I know it's selfish to wonder what's mine
Orion travels in Orion's time
So many stars pass just out of my view
Finding a balance proves hardest to do
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7. |
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Well, now, did you ever think
We would be standing out here, on the brink?
After all that we've said and not done
All the chances we've risked and not won?
Leaning out over the edge
I can see everything you have alleged
I see time curving in on its name
Until end and beginning are same
And I almost feel the me
You have hinted that I used to be
I'm not quite sure how you could have known
How you counted the rings in my bones
But I almost hear the voice
Of my God, and my people, my choice
And I almost begin to recall
What it's like to be part of it all
What could have taken my song
But a sheep who was wolf all along?
I'll admit that I had my suspicions
Still I leaned into fear and derision
You took me quite by surprise
Not a flicker of wolf in those eyes
Just a stirring of older sensations
Just a child, with the wisdom of nations
And I almost feel the me
You have hinted that I used to be
I'm not quite sure how you could have known
How you counted the rings in my bones
But I almost hear the voice
Of my God, and my people, my choice
And I almost begin to recall
What it's like to be part of it all
Oh, the veil separates, ever so easily
Or so I'm told, if I can get the best of me
But it feels more like a canyon between us
When I try to mimic belief
Still I sometimes feel the me
You have hinted that I used to be
I'm not quite sure just how to atone
For so stubbornly guarding my bones
And I know I'll hear the voice
Of my God, and my people, my choice
And I know that in time I'll recall
That I'm already part of it all
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8. |
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Oh, life, why must you grasp?
Each loss less than the last
Each invitation long since past
Each truth, as sharp as glass
Oh love, what is gain?
What coda, or refrain?
So many pathways in one brain
Such overgrown terrain
And I'm happy, after all
Neither regret the large, nor small
The choices that I hardly saw
Am I marrow, or the maw?
Oh time what have you known?
What mystics wept alone?
What suns have bleached what bitter bones
To return to sand and stone?
I guess life is for the sure
Those arrogant enough to dream a cure
To temper what they saw was pure
Am I less, or am I more?
Am I after, or before?
Am I wave? Or am I shore?
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9. |
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Again
I've run until I stopped
The beating of the clock
The ticking of my heart
Isn't that enough?
Calculated love
Tonight
The absence of a moon
I walk from room to room
This loosened tongue
And not a drop to drink
This time I won't sink
For you, I live inside the lines
Mostly feeling fine
Mostly feeling half awake
And I know this is tiring
You can be so blinding
I'm done
I say, you disagree
Still, fear becomes relief
And then returns to fear
Why are you still here?
Why are you still trying?
The dream
A cabin, warm and small
This stationary fall
To walk the dogs
The air is heavier than here
Whose dream is this, my dear?
For you, I live inside the lines
Mostly feeling fine
Mostly feeling half awake
And I know this is tiring
You can be so blinding
Don't back down
Don't back down
Don't back down
Don't back down
For you, I live inside the lines
Mostly feeling fine
Mostly feeling half awake
For you, I've squandered both our time
What is yours, is mine
What is mine is yours to take
And isn't that enough?
Calculated love
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released June 7, 2022
