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Leaving My Mark

by Britt Kusserow

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1.
Wait For Me 03:16
We do so much in your name Point our fingers, lay the blame We see ourselves, but we don't see others' pain He's not like me, I'll turn my head Ignore her feelings, what's been said But you look on, and you're not angry with me, instead You wait for me to come around You're right there when my feelings hit the ground And I'm so ashamed of what I lack It'd only be fair of you to turn your back But you don't, you wait for me Too proud to ever admit I"m wrong Too eager to lead someone along And still I try to justify my actions as right They don't believe the things I do How can they say they're friends with you But though I judge, you don't disown me outright You wait for me to come around You're right there when my feelings hit the ground And I'm so ashamed of what I lack It'd only be fair of you to turn your back But you don't, you wait for me How can you keep your temper through all I do? How can you love me the way I pretend to love you? I judge, I mock, I don't include I never take the blame And still I find you loving me When I remember to call your name You wait for me to come around You're right there when my feelings hit the ground And I'm so ashamed of what I lack It'd only be fair of you to turn your back But you don't, you wait for me
2.
Stars 04:39
The night I fell headfirst in love, stars filled the summer sky But the only stars I saw were coming from your eyes Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry It's been so long since that perfect day, I wonder why We never followed fate, but is it ever really too late? I still feel the way I felt when I first saw you Your eyes were mine alone, but my heart fell like a stone That fateful day when I first knew That you would never see how much you mean to me That I should give up while I still could Hang on to my pride, but who will dry these tears I've cried? I've never felt this way, I never dreamt I would Why can't we have a chance? One shot at a romance? I may not be eighteen, but I know what true love means And it's not hard to see why I've fallen for you Because deep down somewhere, you seem to like me too And it's too bad that that place will never see the light of day Stay inside you and never show I guess I'll just walk away, please make a reason for me to stay I don't want to have to go I'm tired of wondering So tired of waiting around Please tell me one thing What is this torture I have found? The night I fell headfirst in love, stars filled the summer sky But the only stars I saw were coming from your eyes But the only stars I saw were coming from your eyes Where did those stars go?
3.
Tomorrow Day 04:17
We all have our own refuge Adages we believe They say there's always tomorrow Another day, a brighter sun to help me see But today is cloudy and lonesome And I know you're not far away Solely focused on something That I can't be, that I can't fill, that I can't say And I can't fight these blind feelings Leave me breathless, leave me empty, leave me wild I can't rescue myself now, but I'll pray, with faith like a child That my tomorrow day is coming soon All my life I've been living The way they told me I should How can I be forgiven? For listening, for giving in, for being "good" Cause in the end it's not worth it If I'm not true to myself And though I realize my mission I look at you and I've forgotten what I have to tell And I can't fight these blind feelings Leave me breathless, leave me empty, leave me wild I can't rescue myself now, but I'll pray, with faith like a child That my tomorrow day is coming soon In our tomorrows there is always a yesterday So what is my yesterday, what is my lost will? I never had you, so why do I feel like I should have had you? Should I have had you? Should I have you still? And I can't fight these blind feelings Leave me breathless, leave me empty, leave me wild I can't rescue myself now, but I'll pray, with faith like a child That my tomorrow day is coming soon Hear me now Hear me out
4.
I've been scattered like ashes and spread out like leaves in October I've been reborn and died some good deaths and my life's far from over Our lives are so frail yet we leave them just tossed by the wayside And we cling to our things and our nonsense but where do our souls hide? And if I could leave this all, jump up and take my flight Fill just one suitcase and leave my dreams for the night Fleeing toward the sunrise Would I go? The fittest survive and the weakest outsmart them in the end It's a circle that started before the dawning of time We're cut down and bruised and we're shut down and used by our own friends And still there are some who lift us up and help calm our minds So if I could leave this all, jump up and take my flight Fill just one suitcase and leave my dreams for the night Fleeing toward the sunrise Would I go? What if all I had were my thoughts, torn and empty? Curled up alone in the dark? Would I still leave my mark?
5.
Somewhere down the line I saw you face to face A transformation came that occupied this place I hid myself in shame, not knowing what to do Because I lied to me, but mostly I lied to you And if I could start over before we got this far If I could somehow forget just who you are How did I let myself get so far down, ingrained Lost in the hopeless cause that you could feel the same Feel the same You are my darkness, you are my light Bringing me torture, but giving me light Here I am crying, away from it all No arms to catch me if I should fall And if I could start over before we got this far If I could somehow forget just who you are How did I let myself get so far down, ingrained Lost in the hopeless cause that you could feel the same Feel the same
6.
Fine 05:03
I lie to you every day By telling you I'll never leave But what you don't understand The only reason I can't stay is I don't wanna feel this way And someday I'll be fine Halfway cross the country She's not a woman, but she's no little girl She sits with elbows on her knees And contemplates these feelings that she can't erase Make no mistake that Someday she'll be fine We're all alone til we find someone to be alone with Companionship is something I cannot explain We're all confused, still we struggle towards, what? We struggle towards forgiveness and truth I'm going to hurt you, I apologize And I wish I weren't the selfish one But two years is a long time Something tells me this choice isn't right But tell me what is good or bad? Tell me why we had what we never had? And I"ll be alone til I find someone to be alone with Companionship is something I cannot explain I'm so confused, still I struggle towards, what? I struggle towards forgiveness from you So tell me someday I can call you But not right now, cause I'm still holding on To things I need to lose And maybe right now I appall you But hopefully that sun will set I can forget, we can forget God why can't I forget? I'm all alone, but it's my own fault in the first place Companionship is something I cannot explain I'm so confused, still I struggle towards, what? I struggle towards forgiveness from you Forgiveness from you
7.
With You 04:32
Wishing you were by my side You'd enjoy this summer night so far from fall I'm crying endless tears in silence As out loud I laugh and nothing's wrong at all Can I be with you now? Can I take her place in your life? Before you knew her I was the one you wanted by your side Four more days until it comes The celebration I've been trying to forget Cause it's that hot Fourth of July Where one year ago you changed your mind again, and left You let me go from you now? Can I take her place in your life? Before you knew her I was the one wanted by your side Can I be with you now? Can I take her place in your life? Before you knew her I was the one you wanted? So far from home but I'm sitting in my bedroom I can't stop crying, praying, God, please help me through And now I know that I am so far from home 'Cause I'm far from home each day I'm not right next to you Is that rain or am I gone? Have I crossed over to the great other side? No, I feel the water pour on me Unfortunately I'm still alive But I can't be with you now I can't take her place in your life But before you knew her I was the one you wanted by your side Do you remember when?
8.
Eighteen 03:31
One blink and you're eighteen Never knowing where the time went Or when you let it slip past It's happening How long will it last? You smile at things you know Used to be the most important Events in your simple life It's happening To you, to me, tonight We don't wanna grow up We wanna stay In this arrested development And all the things we used to say Add to our disillusionment I'm torn between two lives And I don't know Which would be the better path Can I bear responsibility Or should I turn back? Heads down between your knees Assume the crash position Cause we're coming in far too quickly It's happening Hold on to yourself Last call, this train has stopped And there's no return trip So I hope you like where you get off It's happening What more is there to tell? We don't wanna grow up We wanna stay In this arrested development And all the things we used to say Add to our disillusionment I'm torn between two lives And I don't know Which would be the better path Can I bear responsibility Or should I turn back? We all think that it'll be different Out there in the real world But I guess it's much the same And it's okay to hang to the past It made us who we are But let's go make a name We all have to grow up And we can't stay In this awkward stage of life And all the things we used to say Have prepared us for the paint and strife We're torn between two lives and now I know There is only one true path I can't bear responsibility But I can adapt
9.
When the night closes in When the stars shine so bright When the wind is so cold That my arms are wrapped tight When the snow falls down As I watch the sky When the time just stops When the time seems to fly That's when I love you Only in my dreams Only in my head Only when the world Crashes round my bed Only in my thoughts Only in my mind Only when you stop My heart in time Only in my dreams Only in my head Only in my dreams When I stop to think When I quit trying not to care When I close my eyes And I feel like you're still there When I lose my cool When I've given up And I start again Because I've had enough That's when I love you Only in my dreams Only in my head Only when the world Crashes round my bed Only in my thoughts Only in my mind Only when you stop My heart in time Only in my dreams Only in my head Only in my dreams Every now and then I think I know you, think you know me in the end Once again, I just want to show you Move so slowly in the end I'm tired of waking up to the sound Of my own heart in rebound Stuck here spinning Going back and forth, back and forth Tired of seeing your blind eyes You don't know what's compromise You're always winning More by accident than force Cause it's only in my dreams Only in my head Only when the world Crashes round my bed Only in my thoughts Only in my mind Only when you stop My heart in time Only in my dreams Only in my head Only in my dreams
10.
What Am I? 02:34
Thought about you today For the first time in months And I wasn't jealous I didn't hold a grudge No, I wanted you to see Just how happy I could be Even though I'll never Feel your touch again You're still the one that I compare All the others to What am I to you? You might think of me as just Another girl you used to know But that's just because we've got nothing left to show We didn't bother holding on Didn't think we'd have to pause Now I laugh at all this Confidence I've lost You're still the one that I compare All the others to What am I to you? If you wanted me back I can't say I would go But if your heart is pure Then there's one thing I want you to know You're still the one that I compare All the others to What am I to you?

about

"Leaving My Mark" was originally released on CD only in 2004. It is now available digitally for the first time, along with lyrics and some of my thoughts around revisiting these songs (and the well-meaning kid that made them). <3

credits

released May 1, 2004

Guitar and vocals by Britt Kusserow
Recording, production, other instrumentation by Larry DeVincent

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Britt Kusserow Los Angeles, California

Britt Kusserow is a queer singer/songwriter who has lived in too many places. Her latest album, “After Or Before,” is a collection of new songs as well as older songs, reimagined. Britt's lyrics frequently explore existential and spiritual themes, and they are influenced by artists like The Indigo Girls, The Weepies, and Tracy Chapman. ... more

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